Pale by Comparison

Our office receptionist comes up to me yesterday to say that I'm looking rather pale today. Pale? What does that mean? I felt fine. Then this morning I get an email from my husband asking how my morning is going and to see if I'm feeling okay, that I didn't look too good last night. I have no idea what brought all this on. Maybe I was in a little rush yesterday morning and was too brief with the bronzing brush, maybe I was just tired. I haven't had the nerve to ask our receptionist how I look today. She can be rather honest. Not that there's anything wrong with that.. she's just very.. open, maybe that's the word I need?

I've decided not to take the offer my boss gave me regarding an apprenticeship. It's just the wrong time for me. Gavin will be in school in a few years, maybe then I can start to think about working more. One of the young assistants here in the office helped me decide without her even knowing. We were eating lunch and her being barely out of high school she started commenting on the cafeteria food in comparison to high school food. During her conversation she used the words.. "I was raised in a daycare"... those words alone set off a spark in me and right then I decided.. Gavin is NOT going into a daycare so I can work more. He needs me at home right now. This poor 19 year old gal has more memories of the daycare that "raised" her than anything else. Apparently her mom worked many hours, sometimes late into the evening. I couldn't do that to Gavin. I want him to remember being with Mom.

So in the meantime... my mind is, well... unchallenged. My husband has a couple-few, shall we say, extra cirricular activities, i.e. golf. I don't have anything outside of motherhood or work that I can call my own. So for starters, upon winning that eBay auction for the camera flash, I've taken up to striking a deal with one of the moms in our playgroup that is a professional photographer. She does the occassional wedding for extra money. I've always wanted to do something like that, so I'm going to start going with her to a few weddings and taking some pictures with my own camera, just to start getting the feel for it all.. build a portfolio, something like that. We'll see... my dream job has always been photographer/photojournalist. Compared to what I'm doing now, that would be awesome!!